


You may be a mentally unestable jerk, but honey, you are my jerk

by Oneroika_Lunae



Series: Space Love Story [2]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Embarrased Hux, Fluff, Ghost Anakin and Ghost Obi wan, Gifts, Hux loves his cat, Kylo Ren master of romance, M/M, Phasma to the rescue, They are nazi space husbands and a pair of dorks, ok no
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-02-24
Packaged: 2018-05-20 20:22:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6023422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oneroika_Lunae/pseuds/Oneroika_Lunae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fluff.</p><p>Kylo Ren' s idea of subtle courting.</p><p>Hux wants to crawl under a rock and die. Or better, kill Ren.</p><p>Phasma won the pool bet</p><p>Millicent' s overweight has an explanation. An explanation called Ben Solo.</p><p>( yes I know It has several chapters, but they are short, and I only did it to separate their povs, so It's just one day)</p><p>14th of February fluff</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hux

**Author's Note:**

> After talking about Millicent and this two so much, I had to do it.

Hux was on the bridge, tending to his duties, when he caught sight of a very pleased Millicent, sitting on a console. 

He frowned. Millicent was supposed to be in Kylo's rooms, destroying his things, and shedding orange hair all over his stupid, weird black robes.

With a sight, he went to retrieve her from her perch, and petted her absentmindedly for a while. She was getting fat, he noticed with some fear. It was an undeaniable truth that Millicent was a cute fluffly furball, but she was putting on weight. He frowned a little. He would have to speak with Ren and Phasma, later. Without a vet on the ship, Millicent needed to be her fluffy, not at all fat self, in order to stay healthy. It went without saying that it was for Hux's sake too, he would propably have a fit if something happened to his cat ( not that he would ever admit it, but still, his Millicent, whom he had raised from a tiny kitten found on a dirty back alley of Corusant when he was still in training, to the lovely, well groomed ladycat she was today) and he would kill anyone that harmed Millicent with his own bare hands ( and that was saying something, from someone that did not dirtied his own hands if he could help it)

Then, when he was petting her under her chin ( one of her favourite spots) he notice somthing caught under the lovely black collar he had made for her, with a tiny golden bell and her name on a tag. His frown deepened. What the hell could have get caught in her collar? He tried to be subtle, while tying to free whatever it was from her. 

It was an envelope. Real paper. What the bloody hell?

Who could possibly use paper nowadays?

The envelope was an elegant cream colour. With Hux's name on the front, the handwritting curvy and lovely. 

He turned it to open it and froze.

It was blank, and the envelope was closed by a heart shaped sticker. 

.....

.....

Whoever was responsible for this, was going to suffer.

Hux made his excuses ( not that he needed any, being their General and all) and walked to his office, so he could have some privacy.

If he sat with Millicent in his lap in his chair, and prepared himself to open the letter, was only because he hoped to find the culprit by reading the letter and extracting some kind of clue from it.

And if his cheecks were tainted pink, was because the ship's bloody heating system was in dire need of and inspection. Nothing more.

He opened the letter and nearly swallowed his own tonge.

" His eyes are as green as the forests of Naboo,  
His hair is as red as a Vader's lightsaber.  
I know his ass is mine, he's truly divine,  
the General who conquered a Sith Lord"

He wanted to rip the letter apart.

The letter, It's writter, and half the spaceship. (clearly he shared too much of his time with certain Master of the knights of Ren)

Then, he got to the bottom of the paper and discovered, in the same lovely handwritting, the signature.

Kylo Ren.

Kylo.

Ren.

Soon to be dead Lord Bucket Head.

Damn him to the deepest pit of hell and back.

For all his fussing, that Millicent found not very dignified, and let him know with a meow and leaving his lap in favor of the couch, Hux didn't move. He didn't rise to get a blaster from the nearest trooper and shoot the bastard dead. 

After a few minutes of shocked stillness, Hux sent a quick message to Phasma and waited. It wasn't too long before she sent him an answer, and the General rose and walked angrily towards his rooms, Millicent in his arms and letter safely tucked away in his desk, locked where no one would ever found it.

Hux stopped before the door of his quarters, and took a deep breath. Leaving Millicent in the floor, he opened the door.

The whole room was illuminated with candles, and Hux bent to pick up Millicent again and nervously petted her. He had the sensation he was going to need to hold her in his arms just so he didn't kill the idiot. Stupid, stupid idiot. Stupid, stupi, stupid dork, romantic jerk, how could that man do smothing like that? was he joking? something so... so... embrarrasing! anyone could have got hold of that letter. Hux would be shamed forever. 

Ren was sprawled in his bed, naked, and his muscled body was a nice contrast against Hux's black silk sheets. He was holding a single white rose in his hand, and had a devious smile in his lips. Hux felt a shot of desire cursing through him and his grand speech about why wasn't professional to sent loveletters in his spaceship was erased from his mind. Kylo Ren had, somehow, got hold of a can of shocolate syrup, and had painted "Happy Valentine General Hot" in his chest.

His face a match for his fiery hair, Hux did the only thing that was left to do to try and save the remanents of any dignity he had before he met Kylo Ren.

He threw ( gently, of course, he wasn't going to risk injuring his poor baby trying to hurt Ren) Millicent to Kylo's face.


	2. Kylo Ren, Master of Romance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo ' s antics to try and give Hux a very romantic evening.

He waited patiently until Hux had left their ( his, but Kylo was more time in Hux's living quarters than in his own, so, no matter what General Grumpypants said they were Theirs) room, and jumped into action. He recovered his clothes from where they had being thrown last night in the middle of their love making, and dressed quickly, so he could return to his own room ( that now was just a very big wardrobe with his stuff in it. 

He opened the door and was greeted by Millicent, who came to weave herself around his legs. He smiled and bent to pet her. "Hello Lady, today is going to be a great day" He walked to the very abandoned kitchen, and fished the cat treats he kept well hidden. "Who's my little ginger love?" Millicent jumped to one of the stools and meowed looking up at him with her very big cat eyes. "Awwwww, It's Hux, but yes, you are my little ginger cat-love" he gave her a treat and left another in the place inside the giant cat toy he had made for her ( initially was somthing to prevent the destruction of all he held dear by the cat, but latter it was just something he enjoyed doing, and little Millicent was just so adorable playing with the thing Kylo made for her ....- yes, he may have a file full of Millicent playing and being fluffy adorable, but it was a secret file and no one would see it and survive, well, Hux could see the pictures, but just because millicent was his cat, after all, even if now she liked Kylo very much- she meowed at him and pat his leg with her little fluffy cat hand and Kylo smiled again and gave her another treat)

"Now, Millicent, today is going to be a big day, very big day" He kneeled in front of her and looked at her big lovely eyes, he tried to be serious, but he was talking to his little fluffy princess, and a little smile remained "Today, humans woo the ones they love, evene if they have being a couple for years now, and they have to perform rituals humans think are romantic. And for this, I need your help to woo your Ginger dad. Are you in?" Se meowed and purred when he scratched her under her chin "I'm going to take that as a 'yes Darkdaddy I'm going to help you woo Ginger Dad' That's my girl" he gave her another treat. The last one he had in his hand, and took her in his arms. She purred happily. 

Kylo went to his room humming happily and put Millicent on top of the table. He sat and opened a drawer to take out the things he had especially bought for the occasion. The paper, real, escented and cream colored, alongside the matching envelope. In moments like this he was forever grateful to the Force for being born a Prince of New Alderaan. General Organa had made sure que had a perfect caligraphy, and it was effortless to write Hux's name with careful strokes, the dark ink beautiful in the envelope. 

" Now, Millicent, it' s customary to write poetry, but this is Hux we are talking to, and it has to be somehow witty or he would not even bother to finish reading it" he wanted to write something about the way he made him feel, or the way the pull towards him was as big as the call of the dark side, but Hux had repeatedly told him that all talk about the force, the light, the dark side and the kinghts of ren that was' t related with work were banned from bed, unless he wanted to sleep in the bathtub. 

" you know, Milli, dearest, there is this poem that was on those ancient books mother... I mean General Organa, of course, she was Ben' s mother, not mine, I' m Kylo Ren, i don't have family..." Millicent got up and sat on top of the paper, trapping kylo' s hands under her. He smiled sadly and touched her little nose with his forehead. " allright, i have you two" he moved her to one side and peted her while he wrote in another piece of paper the poem he remembered. Millicent meowed.

" of course i' m not giving him this one, it' just the original, now i only need to change a few things and that willbe it" he was going to change the reference to the eyes, Hux's were green, but definetly not like a pickled toad. The forests of Naboo sounded just right, Amidala, his grandmother, was from Naboo. The next one had to go, too, because, clearly Hux's hair was red, not black. Red, red, like blood? Oranges? Tomatoes? Carrots? A rose. No. That would be a ticket to the bath tub. Ah.

" as a Vader's lightsaber" he kept writting. Hux's ass was his, after all, and that was a funny spicy line for the poem. He finished with a very cheesy line, but true,he had surrendered himself to Hux fully, and that was supposed to be romantic, right? Right?

He folded it carefully and put it inside the envelope, then he sealed it with one of the heart shapped stickers he had kept for this sole purpose. He held Millicent in his arms and kissed her head. "Now you have to be a very good girl while i go to fetch some things" 

He gave her another treat from the kitchen and exited his rooms to visit the kitchens. If anyone noticed the orange furr in his black robes, none said a thing, but then again, not many would stand in his way, or look at him in fear of his wrath. He entered the kitchens silently and enjoyed the way everyone jumped at his sight. 

" who is in charge of the desserts?" he said , and they trembled before him "CH 0008" and the poor man was shivering and cowering in his presence " do you have syrup?" ren asked, and was answered by a smile and guided towards a cabinet with several bottles of different types of syrup. He tasted the and chose the chocolate one and the bottle of vanilla caramel. He took them with him back to his room, where Millicent was playing with a stuffed mouse. He fetched the bows and the box with rose petals from under his bed, where Hux would never think to look. He took a shower, cleaning himself thoroughly, and put especial care in doing his hair and chosing his clothes. Ready for his plan to start, he gave Millicent another cat treat and went to Hux 's rooms, Millicent and the other things floating after him by the force. Once he left everything ready in Hux' s room ( the petals scattered around, the bed opened and the bows and the syrup ready for him to return and get ready as fast as he could) 

He took Millicent with him and went to the bridge, he made sure the letter was safely tucked in her collar and floated her with the force towards Hux. 

Giggling, though he would never admit he giggled, went back to Hux' s rooms, he undressed and lay in the bed, putting one bow in his underwear and anothe one in his hair. With the syrup, and the help of the force and a mirror he wrote on his chest "Happy Valentine General Hot".

He only had to wait. 

When Hux entered his rooms at last, Kylo had taken two small naps while he waited, and, of course, reacted by the instint groomed in many battles, and, when a flying orange ball went flying towards his head with and cry, he used the force to stop it, facing a very scared and surprised Millicent, and behind her, a very cute and blushed and Furious Hux. He let down the cat gently and smiled enticingly to Hux.

" So, did you liked my letter or not?"

He didn' t have much time to react when this time the fuzzy orange ball that threw itself to him was a very sexy general. 

Kylo Ren smiled to himself. Yeah, he got it.


	3. Hux strikes back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux feels like he has to do something for Ren, but, what?? Let's find out what the best strategist of the first order has planned!!!

Hux had been thinking about Ren the whole morning, and had been distracted enough for Phasma to notice and made some remarks about it.

He needed to put and end to this. Kylo had been extremely thoughful ( and sappy, and cute, and a flipping dork, and...) about their special day, and Hux, who had all but forgotten about it, and what it meant for couples, felt awful. After all, the hUman disaster had put so much thought about it, so much effort ( even he had heard the rumours about Kylo Ren stealing bottles os syrup from the kitchens, Hux couldn't imagine what kind of dark rumours were running about) 

Ren deserved something grand enough to stop the guilty feeling that had been haunting Hux and express his love ( who could ever believe that hux would fall for Lord Disaster) and devotion ( kind of) he started thinking about what to do. He could try flowers, but Hux didn't know what kind Kylo prefered over aby other. Knowing him, probably was something extravagant and genetically modified to be black, to match Kylo's soul or something equally dramatic. Chocolates were out of the question. Kylo always ate a shit ton of sugar every day, but he had burned it all by the time he went into Hux's bed. Last night Hux's allowed Kylo to lick some syrup from his skin and the man had turned into the energizer bunny of sex and had Hux up and about for most of the night. Hux was sore all over and he wasn't the one bottoming last night. 

If he had ever sought proof that Kylo Ren wasn't normal this was it. The man funcioned around only by sugar powered sheer will. 

Hux wasn't going to write him some cheesy lines of bad poetry that anyone could read and use it to black mail him for it later ( he thought about the letter Kylo gave him, safe in the inner pocket of the general's coat)

Hux caught a flash of orange around his office and got up to greet Millicent, and take her in his arms. She meowed and nuzzled his hand with her cute little face. He sighted happily and sat in front of his desk while petting her. She was heavy in his lap. 

He had put her on a very strict diet of two healthy, balanced meals a day instead of the four she had been having, but she kept gaining weight anyway. Hux would have to find out why later, now, he needed to find a mindblowing gift for Ren. 

Millicent had long grew bored of being petted and went on her merry way to do cat stuff around his father's ship, when Hux finally found his answer. 

The holy grial.

The one gift to bind Kylo to him for all eternity and whatever it was later.

Hux couldn't help the maniacal laughter as he clicked the buy button on the screen.

Perfect.

One of the perks of being a general was that, even when you buy something with a fake name , the package will reach you no matter what basically because Hayden McGegor's mail was to be confiscated and sent to Hux inmediately. If Phasma noticed something, she didn't mentioned it (clearly she knew better) and, by the end of the week, after having to put up with all kylo's bullshit and sugar powered stupidity, Hux was ready to strike back. Hux hated to lose, after all, even if it was in a demonstration of afection between ... 

General and shitty Sith lord.

Yeah, that sounded about right.

He avoided Ren for the rest of the day and sneake into his room to arrange the presentation. 

All disposed, luring kylo here was the key. He commed him " well, sulk lord, Why don't you come to your room and see what's waiting for you here?? I'll be waiting for you" 

Bingo, it took kylo less than seven minutes to barge into the rooms all covered in sweat , with his mask under his arm and breathing like he was suffering an ashma attack. Yep, Hux got him. He plantedd himself in front of Ren with a twisted smile. He held out the piece of red silk " no peeking Ren, put this on or you won't have your gift" he was like an overexcited puppy with a hopeful smile and those big eyes full of emotion piercing Hux's very soul. Hux hated that look, it melted his brain and let kylo get away with everything ( aka the error that shall never be ever mentioned again or so help me god) he waited until the other had secured the blindfold around his head and started taking clothes form him. First the helmet, forgotten on a corner of the living room, the coul, thecloak and the shirt were next, the boots and the socks followed, and soon Ren was standing in front of the bedroom's door shivering and undressed to his black underwear. 

Hux took his hand and guided him to stand in front of the bed. With a kiss to his neck, he grabbed kylo's hand and guided him to touch the fabric. Kylo shivered " it's.. It's a... A... Garment, clothes... It's a uniform?? Hux??" hux took off the blindfold and hugged Ren from behind "happy lover's day, Ren,even if it's a bit late" 

Then Hux stepped back to be able to apreciate Kylo's reaction. He was in his unddrwear, blushing from his chest to the foots of his hair, staring with his mouth wide open to the perfect replica of Darth Vader's uniform (helmet included) laying on the bed. Kylo's hands hovered over it and finally touched it gently, reverently, with a face splitting smile in his face. Hux was smiling too, pleased that Ren was so happy " try it on, Ren, I had it made for you" 

Hux wasn't prepared for the attack of octopus Kylo, with his hands touching him everywhere and tugging at his clothes and biting and kissing him with the strength of a typhoon. 

Later, much later, Hux would wonder about the decisions he took and where was his life headed, still clad in part of the Darth Vader costume, and cuddling a sleeping Kylo, who had refused to take the mask off and was making stupid sounds while sleeping. 

Hux loved the man. With all his tupid kinks, and his corrupting nature, who had led Hux into a path of perversion he never had thought about ( he never NEVER thought of using the costume like THAT he thought Kylo would sleep on the damn thing or parade around dressed like darth vather, and definetly, he never thought of using it for THOSE THINGS several times) 

Kylo turned around, seeking Hux's warmth and the general hugged him to his body. The other gave a satisfied sight and went still again. 

"Jerk. Lovable, stupid, perverted, dorky jerk" 

Hux kissed Kylo's head and went to sleep.

"Love you Ren"


	4. Extra

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phasma and some guests

Phasma's job was controlling everything in the ship for Hux. 

And so she did. So, when Hux ordered a package with his alias of Hayden MacGregor , Phasma KNEW.

It was incredibly easy for her to win the pool bet that was made every week about their bosses's relationship. Of course she had won the one about them sleeping together, the one about how many days would take hux to dump Ren for the first time.... 

No one had thought hux would buy a Darth Vader costume for Ren as a present for lover's day. No one but Phasma.

She smiled behind her helmet, barely resisting the urge to whistle while she walked around the corridors. If they kept this up for a few years more, she would be able to retire incredibly rich.

 

\---------------------------------------------------- meanwhile, far far away, where the force ghosts duel.....-----------------------------------------------------

 

"OBI WAN, I CAN'T BELIEVE MY EYES"

"technically, you don't have eyes anymor..."

"my grandson has FUCKING ISSUES" seeing Anakin's agitation, Obi-wan turned his non-existan eyes to the point Ani had being spying and froze. They were.... with a Darth Vader's costume... oh. Oh. OH. Obi wan understood now. ANd chuckled. And then started laughing non stop. "Fucking issues.... more like issues with fucking!!" "It's NOT FUNNY OBI WAN" "Yes, yes it is, it most certainly is, Anakin, you have to admit it"

Then the gosht jedi felt himself being dragged across de stars by his former padawan, until they arrived to the space ship where Anakin's grandson was being screwed silly by a ginger on a Darth Vader costume. Well. Only the pants. and the cloak. Ben ( the force, they named the kid after him, how atrocious) was wearing the helmet and the upper part of the uniform. Anakin was screaming at Ben right now "OH MY STARS DON'T YOU DARE, BEN, DON'T YOU DARE, GET THAT THING OFF THIS INSTANT OR SO FORCE HELP ME...." Obi wan went to Anakin, at the head of the bed, far enough from the lovers, and smiled sadly at him "He cannot see us, remember?" They had tried, when the dark had first started courting the boy, to appear to him and straighten his path, but they had discovered that, for all Ben's love for Darth Vader, he could see Anakin or any of the others that tried to help him. 

"I'M NOT STOPPING, ENOUGH, CHILDREN" Anakin tried to separate them with his own force powers, but wasn't really working "ENOUGH I SAID, OH MY... NOT THE HELMET YOU TWO, STOP IT" Anakin turned to Obi Wan nearly in tears "Obi Wan.... Obi Wan... they...." Hux was currently panting Kylo Ren's former name, wearing the helmet, and Obi Wan was feeling incredibly uncomfortable right now. He stopped laughing and Anakin seemed quite pleased with himself, his own humilliation forgotten. 

"Oh Well, at least they got it right" Obi Wan turned to face him "What?" "You know, master, the one bottoming..." Obi Wan would have died of embarrasment if he wasn't already dead." Shut up Anakin" Anakin laughed "Oh, NOW it's embarrasing but when it's ME it is not" "Anakin..." " OH MY GOSH I HAVE NEVER DONE THAT YOU SICK FUCK, NEVER WITH A GENERAL, OH MY STARS THAT ITS NOT A PROPER CORRECTIVE FOR OH MY..." Obi wan snickered " I swear is all that smugglers fault, Leia would have never had such a perverted fuck of a son, fucking someone in his grandfather's clothes..." Obi wan cleared his throat and fixed him a look. Anakin was fond of creative sex and rolenplaying, and Leia had hardly been a saint, practicaly locking her husband in their quarters for weeks after a long separation. Not even Luke was left out from the weird Skywalker kinks. " THAT IS NOT HOW YOU USE THE FORCE BEN, AND CLEARLY THAT IS NOT WHY YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO CHOKE SOMEONE" He looked at the lovers in the bed, now switching roles as Ben wore the mask and proceded to 'punish the General for failing' quite enthusiasticly. 

This wasn't right, but he couldn't tear his eyes away. he looked at Anakin, his eyes fixed on the lovers too.

"Master... help, is like watching a shipwreck, I... can not... look....away" Obi wan wanted to drag them away, but was rooted to the spot. Anakin was right. 

They suffered through the next round of lovemaking, and then, when they took a nap, they made their scape.

"I feel dirty, master" said Anakin "FILTHY" "Well, it wasn't that bad" "they were having a BLOODY SEXCAPADE WITH A ME THEMED COSTUME" "It wasn't that bad" "NOT THAT BAD?" "Well the ginger was calling him BEN and I didn't said anything" "You are as horrified as I am" 

"I don't want to know anything else about them, like, NEVER"

"Anakin, you could feel they werehaving a good time? the love between Ben and that girger man?, let them be, please?"

"I only have to cure him from his obsession, turn him to the light, he will abandon the sick ginger fuck and forget about having darth vader themed sex ever again" Obi wan sighted " No Anakin, that's not what I meant at all" but Anakin had already dissapeared. Obi wan sighted and trailed after him to minimize the damage.


End file.
